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Yvonne is addicted to biting her nails. She doesn't know how it started. She has been biting her nails since she was four years old. She bites her nails when she is not doing anything with her hands; she bites her nails when listening to her professor or waiting in line. People around her are grossed out by her habit, but Yvonne can't help it.
Her addiction is getting worse. Yvonne now has an infection on the tips of her fingers. Her fingernails are also yellow. When Yvonne noticed all this, she realized that she needed to make a big change. Yvonne decided to paint her nails to stop herself from biting them since she doesn't want to bite on the nail polish.
Yvonne was in class listening to a boring lecture, which made her want to bite her nails. She looked at her blue nails and stopped herself. Ten minutes later, she looked at her nails again. She started sweating and tapping her foot. The girl sitting next to her asked if she was okay. Yvonne couldn't take it anymore. She just had to bite her nails again.
Nancy likes nail polish, but she is not that good at putting it on. It is harder than it looks. She is going to try it though. She takes a look at her mom's nail polish collection. There are over thirty colors. She likes the light blue one. She lies down on her bed. She starts with her left hand first. She paints each nail. It smells bad. She blows her nails so that they dry faster. She starts on her right hand. It is harder to paint the nails on the right. This is because she is right-handed. It takes a lot longer to paint her nails. Her right hand does not look as nice as the left hand.
Sally had a cold. Her nose was red. She pulled a tissue out of the tissue box. She blew her nose. She threw the tissue into the trash. She looked at her fingernails. Her fingernails were too long. She needed to cut her nails. She opened her purse. She took her nail clippers out of the purse. She clipped all the nails on her left hand. Then she clipped all the nails on her right hand. She looked at both of her hands. Now her nails were nice and short. She put her nail clipper back in her purse. She pulled another tissue out of the box. She blew her nose again.
The bathroom wall had a nail in it. He pulled the nail out of the wall. It was a big nail. When he pulled the nail out, a hole was in the wall. It was a big hole. He wanted to repair the hole. He went to Wal-Mart. Wal-Mart has everything for sale. Wal-Mart is a very popular store. He asked a clerk, "How can I fix a nail hole in my bathroom wall?" The clerk said it was very simple. A nail hole was easy to fix. "Just buy this tube of Nail Hole Filler. Then squeeze it into the hole," the clerk said. He took the filler home. He squeezed it into the hole. He let the filler dry overnight. The next day, there was no hole!
He went out to his car. Something was wrong. He looked at the left rear tire. It was flat. There is probably a nail in the tire, he thought. He had to change the tire. He opened his trunk. He pulled out the spare tire. He pulled out the jack. He pulled out the lug nut wrench. He took the hubcap off the flat tire. He jacked up the car. He took off all four lug nuts. He pulled the flat tire off the car. He put the spare tire on the car. He tightened the lug nuts. He lowered the car to the ground. He put the hubcap on the spare tire. He put the flat tire into the trunk. He put the jack and the lug nut wrench into the trunk. He shut the trunk. He went into his apartment and washed his hands.
Two bombing attempts in London failed last night. A Mercedes was parked in front of a popular nightclub before closing time. There were at least 500 patrons inside the club. The Mercedes contained 11 full gasoline cans and 7 containers of nails. Apparently, the car was to be exploded by a call from a cell phone, but someone, or something, goofed. The cell phone call didn't trigger the explosion. Instead, some smoke started spewing out of the car.
An ambulance happened to drive by. The driver, seeing the smoke, called the police. The police arrived quickly, and a bomb expert immediately entered the car and started disarming the vehicle. A few minutes later, the police were notified about another car, also full of explosive material, parked behind the nightclub. That vehicle was also disarmed. Twice in one night, deadly explosions had failed to occur. The bad guys had lost--this time.
A new prime minister had just taken over in England. He said that God was watching over London. Scotland Yard believed that terrorists were behind the bombing attempts. When one patron at the nightclub found out how close he had been to death, he said, "I'm so happy to be alive! Last night I was dancing all night near the windows next to the street, and I would have been one of the first to die. It's scary to think about. I won't be coming to this club for another week or so.
Leave the front door wide open, all the time," God told Mel in a dream. Furthermore, God added, put three dishes filled with raw hamburger in every room in the house. Add more hamburger when the dishes became empty.
A very strange dream, Mel had thought, but who was he to question a command from God? He opened the front door wide and put the dishes in every room. The first day, hundreds of flies flew in. Each day, hundreds more followed. His wife Hazel was as religious as Mel, but her complaints increased each week. So one day, Mel drove to a nearby Wal-Mart. He bought three dozen fly swatters and returned home. He pounded small nails into each wall of each room, and hung a fly swatter on each nail. "There, that ought to do it," he told his wife, handing her a swatter.
What good is this? The front door is still wide open!" she yelled at him. He said that was okay; it was God's will. They knew that He worked in mysterious ways. Maybe He was going to reward them when this was all over.
More and more flies moved into their south Florida house. When the kids opened their mouths to put food inside, flies flew into their mouths. After a while, the kids got used to eating the crunchy flies with their food.
Simon, a college grad, always pointed out the errors in his brother Brevyn's emails. "When are you going to stop confusing 'its' with 'it's'?" he often asked. Brevyn, a high school grad, said that nobody ever noticed anyway.
Brevyn knew that Simon was "book smart," but he didn't think Simon was very "street smart." Years ago, Simon had bought stereo speakers from a street vendor. When he arrived home, he called Brevyn over to help him set up the speakers. Simon was excited because he had gotten the speakers at half price. The brand new speaker boxes said Panasonic, Model No. A-682ST, Made in Japan, etc.
But Simon was disappointed and angry when he discovered that the boxes contained only old magazines. Brevyn was amused. "Did you get a receipt?" Brevyn asked. "Did you ask the guy about his return policy? Did he tell you where his 'store' is going to be tomorrow?
Brevyn visited Simon to show him the new tires he had just put on his Honda Accord. While they were talking in Simon's living room, Simon showed Brevyn an air pump he had recently purchased. "If your new tires ever go low, you can pump them up super-fast with this. It pumps air into the tire on the downstroke and the upstroke.
Brevyn said, "You must be kidding. I've never heard of a pump that pumps air on the upstroke." Brevyn tried out the pump. "There's no air coming out of here on the upstroke," he told Simon.
Of course there is. Read the label on the pump.
Brevyn read the label. "Ha! Listen to this: 'High volume air flow on both up and down strokes.' The air 'flows,' all right, but it flows in on the upstroke, not out. The label writer tricked you, Mr. English Major. What have you got to say for yourself?
Let's go outside," Simon said. "Maybe I can find a small nail in one of your new tires.